It happened so unexpectedly — the way EXO wrapped their arms around me during my first mental breakdown. This random video of EXO hugging as one accidentally appeared on my FYP and shattered me like nothing ever had. Who could have known that watching EXO sing “Don’t Go” would hurt me so deeply? It unearthed wounds I had long forgotten, like scratching scars I didn’t even know I had. The pain was so real, and I couldn’t help but shed an endless stream of tears.
I still remember the day I first felt the crushing weight of depression in my early teenage years. I was utterly alone, living with unreliable caretakers, and navigating a sea of new and overwhelming experiences. By day, I was a happy little sunshine around people, but by night, I cried silently into my pillow, stifling my sobs so no one in the house would hear.
EXO was my first love in the world of K-pop, a bright spot in my dark days. I discovered them in 2013, back when the fandom was still known as EXOTICS. There was even a virtual card fanship — a small, simple joy that brought me a sense of belonging.
I grew up with them. As I got older, I thought their place in my heart would fade away, leaving nothing behind. But I was wrong. Seeing them again through my FYP was like opening a box of memories I had sworn never to touch. But here I am, drowning in nostalgia and emotions.
The sight of EXO together again brought everything rushing back. It was as if they had been there all along, waiting for me to remember the comfort they once brought me. The connection felt stronger than ever, a lifeline to my past self, who had found solace in their music and their unity.
I can still feel the ache of those nights when I suppressed my cries, feeling like no one in the world understood my pain. Yet, in those moments, EXO’s music was my sanctuary. Their voices reached out to me, wrapping me in a warmth I couldn’t find anywhere else.
Now, as I reflect on my journey with EXO, I realize that their presence in my life was more than just a fandom. They were my companions in the darkest times, a source of light when I felt lost. The thought of seeing them live, of being in the same space as them, fills me with both dread and longing. I know it would destroy me emotionally, but it would also be a cathartic release, a way to honor the years of silent support they provided.
EXO’s journey is intertwined with mine, their music a soundtrack to my struggles and triumphs. They taught me that it’s okay to feel deeply, to embrace the pain and the joy alike. Through them, I learned the power of unity and the strength that comes from being part of something bigger than myself.
As I write this, tears stream down my face, a mix of sorrow and gratitude. EXO was there when I needed them most, and for that, I am eternally thankful. My heart swells with love for them, for the memories we share, and for the hope they continue to inspire in me.
We are one, EXO!
And in your embrace, I found the strength to carry on.
